By Larry Reni Thomas
Lee Morgan, the fiery-hot, extremely talented jazz trumpet player,
died much too soon. His skyrocketing career was cut short, at age 33,
one cold February night in 1972, at a Manhattan club called Slug’s when
he was shot to death by his 46-year-old common law wife Helen. At the
time, Morgan was experiencing a comeback of sorts. He had been battling a
serious heroin addiction for years and by most accounts, was drug free.
His gig at Slug’s was the talk of the jazz world and was a must-see
for all of those in the know. There was always a packed house during his
engagements at Slug’s. He looked good, sounded great and seemed
destined for a fantastic future. Then the unthinkable happened.
How could it be? Why would Helen Morgan, whom almost everyone figured
loved Lee more than she loved herself, kill her constant companion?
What happened in their decade long relationship that would cause her to
do something that devastating to Lee and herself and to Lee Morgan’s
legion of fellow musicians, friends and fans who adored him?
The only person who could answer such questions is Helen Morgan (aka
Helen More). She was arrested that day, February 9, 1972, served time in
prison, released and paroled. She lived in the Bronx, Mount Vernon, and
Yonkers, New York, until 1978, when she moved back to her hometown of
Wilmington, North Carolina to be near her sick mother who passed in
1980. Helen became heavily involved in the Methodist Church, spent time
with her grandchildren, took classes at a local college and received a
degree.
No one knew about her past other than her family. She almost never
talked about it. Yet, she still had friends in New York, like the late
vocalist Etta Jones, whom she would telephone frequently to talk about
old times. But almost no one, especially in the jazz scene, knew where
she was, or for that matter, cared. Most of them expressed disdain for
her, some were quick to call her a cold-blooded murderer.
But how cold-blooded was she? How did she feel about the tragic
event? What was her life all about? What caused her to commit a crime
that she had to live with most of her life? How did a country girl from
rural North Carolina end up in the fast lane?
She talked about her life with Lee Morgan in a rare and exclusive
interview in February 1996, about a month before she passed away of
heart problems in a Wilmington, North Carolina hospital. Her health had
been in decline for years, and she explained that she wanted to do her
one and only interview because she wanted to tell her side of the story.
She was tired, she said, and knew she didn’t have long to live.
Helen Morgan was born in 1926 in Brunswick County, North Carolina on a
farm near a town called Shallotte, about 50 miles across the Cape Fear
River, from the coastal city of Wilmington. By the time she was 13, the
shapely, attractive, talkative, bronze-colored skin, girl had her first
child. A year later, she had another child. Both of her children were
raised by her grandparents. She left them and moved to Wilmington at age
15 to live with her mother. She said, at that point, she became
“disillusioned with men” and was a virgin for a period after moving to
Wilmington. When she was 17-years-old, she started dating a local
bootlegger who was 39-years-old.
One night she accidentally walked in on him while he was counting
money. “It was the most money that I had ever seen in my life,” she
said, smiling. “He took a liking to me, and I took a liking to the
money.”
A few months later, they were married. Two years later, her husband
drowned and she became a 19-year-old widow. Her late spouse was a New
Yorker. When his relatives came down to take care of the funeral, they
took her back to New York, when they finished with their business. She
arrived in New York, in 1945, with the intention of staying two weeks.
“I found out I couldn’t live with his family. They were living
downtown in the 50s, on 52nd Street between 9th and 10th. I learned my
way around and got a job. And then I began to meet other people, and
started going uptown to the clubs. First club was the Blue Rhythm up on
145th Street on Sugar Hill. Little three-piece band–the drummer, singer
and organ player. Della, I can’t think of her last name. Let’s see, Etta
Jones.
I began to meet all these people. You know I could always fit in.
Because I was a talker. And I must say myself, I was not bad looking,
and I used to fit in very nicely with them. And I would be invited to
the afterhours joints. But after the clubs would close, that’s when you
really heard the music. The jam sessions, you know. They would come
uptown and really play.
“But, you know, it’s funny,” she continued, “I met most of the jazz
musicians through people who weren’t in the jazz world, but was in the
dope world. Now, see me–I was a “hip square.’ That’s what they called
me. Yeah. You see. I didn’t use no heroin. Because that was the thing.
They called it “horse’. You know. I knew the people. The people I met
were the dope dealers. I would carry it for them because they knew I
didn’t use it. I met the dope dealers by going to the afterhours spots.”
It was at the afterhours spots that she got the chance to meet and
listen to the conversations of some of the jazz musicians. She heard
them talk about their lives and their frustrations. Helen was convinced
that they used drugs to forget about how the white club owners were
using them, especially the ones who made them enter through the back
door and the ones who would not allow blacks in the audience. She saw
how that affected them and how when they were high off of heroin,
situated in the safety of the afterhours spots they voiced their
displeasures and problems in a way that they would never do to the
outside world.
Helen said that she thought they carried on very “sensible” talks
about world affairs and what was happening to blacks at that time. She
was impressed with their intellectualism, yet saddened at the same time,
because she was convinced that they were all “hurting inside.” She said
that she felt sorry for them because on stage and in public they were
putting on a front or an act that everything was fine when it was
obvious that this was not the case.
Helen explained that the musicians talked about how the whites were
stealing their music, paying them next to nothing and how the whites
were bringing all the heroin to Harlem. It was a sad situation that was
an illusion to people on the outside who didn’t know any better.
Ms. Morgan, however, saw right through it. “It was like you (the
musicians) were living this life. But you really not, you know. You’re
just going through the motions. You singing. and the only time you are
really yourself is when you are playing, singing and then you forget
about everything. You go and play. It would be such mournful sounds. You
could hear the sorrow in the music. If you listen hard enough you can
hear it.”
Helen gained great respect for the musicians after her visits to the
after hour spots. So much so that she invited them all to her apartment,
on 53rd Street, between 8th and 9th Avenues, not too far from Birdland.
“Helen’s place,” she said, “became a location where they could get a
good hot meal.” She did not allow any drug use. It was a refuge and a
safe haven from the hardships of a jazz musician’s life. It was there in
her midtown Manhattan apartment, during the early 1960s, where she met
the very young Lee Morgan.
“I met Morgan through Benny Green, the trombone player, who I was
messing with at that time. Benny brought him around there. And I met him
and we talked. And I looked at him and for some kind of reason my heart
just went out to him. I said to myself “this little boy, you know.”
And I looked at him and he didn’t have a coat. I asked him why didn’t
he have a coat. He just had a jacket. I said, “child, it’s zero degrees
out there and all you have on is a jacket. Where is your coat?” And he
told me he didn’t have a coat “cause it was in the pawn shop.” He had
pawned his coat for some drugs. I told him, “Well, come on, I am going
to go get your coat!” He said, “You’re going to get my coat?”
And I said, “Yeah, and I’m not going to give you the money! Because
you might spend it on drugs. We are going to go and get it!’”
She said it was too cold for anybody to be outside without a coat.
When she asked Lee where was his trumpet (“his axe”) he told her it was
in the pawn shop too. Helen asked him how was he going to work if he
didn’t have an instrument.
“How is a carpenter going work without tools?” she asked him and
every other jazz musician she saw in that sad shape. But because she
said she felt sorry for Lee Morgan, Helen went and got his trumpet and
coat out of the pawn shop. After that, she said, Lee Morgan “hung on to
me.”
Lee moved in with her and she “took over total control of Morgan.”
She fed him, nursed and pampered him, and started to get his show
business career back in order. Helen began to try to book him gigs
again. She found out that he really wasn’t working a great deal because
most people knew about his chronic no-shows and his drug habit. He was
not working much except for the Jazzmobile on some summer Saturdays,
Blue Note studio recording sessions and other assorted functions.
She recalled the time when a well known jazz musician passed and he
was asked to play at the funeral. Lee told her that he could not do it
because he did not have any shoes. All he had was bedroom slippers. They
laughed when he told her that one of his fellow musicians told him,
“Damn, Morgan, all God’s children got shoes!”
It’s not that he couldn’t get a gig. Everybody wanted to hire him.
They were just worried that he might not show up. Helen became a
stabilizing force for Lee, according to her, but she couldn’t completely
stop him from using drugs. When Lee moved in, he brought a non-musician
friend, Gary, with him. She called Gary a “parasite.” Ms. Morgan
claimed he could not stand her and that he did everything to “make
something come between me and Morgan.”
She found out that keeping hustlers, hanger-ons, fans, dead-beats and
junkies away from Lee Morgan would be something that she would have to
deal with for the rest of their lives. She eventually left the apartment
and moved into another place. It was around then that her phone calls
and her persistence began to pay off. Lee started getting a band
together and getting ready to work again. Helen said that most of the
club owners said they couldn’t depend on him. Some of them had been
burned in the past when Lee Morgan was advertised all week to come to
their establishment and he didn’t show up.
“If he did not have money to get high with then he did not even show
up,” she said. “Ain’t nothing else was on his mind but getting high.
Getting high made him normal. He told me that once. He said that Art
Blakey was the one who turned him on. Art turned a lot of them on. Lee
told me he asked Art how long would the high last? He said Art told
him–forever! I am not saying that Art made them use it. I’m just saying
that he was the influence. It’s making you feel so good. You know. I
never thought much of Art because he turned so many of them on to
heroin. All of them (the jazz musicians) were on it.
They were raggedy and pitiful. Real pitiful! Pitiful! Oh! But they
came to my house and they were made welcome. Unless they were really
doggish. I would let them in because they were people and one thing they
were a mystery to me because I could never figure out how anything
could make you in the dead winter time, zero weather, take off your coat
and sell it. One time Gary and I was talking and he asked me why hadn’t
I ever tried heroin.”
He said “Well, you missed the essence.”
I said “No Honey, I ain’t miss no essence. Looking at you’all I see
the essence. Looking at you’all is a enough essence for me to not to
want it! And looked at me and said ‘I guess you right. I guess you
right.’”
According to Helen, Lee was a full-fledged junkie at that time,
during the early 1960s, he had had his teeth knocked out and had broken
some braces that had been in his mouth for years. She told him to clean
up so she could try to get him some gigs. She convinced him that he
could play again if he quit using so much heroin. Lee Morgan turned
himself in to a hospital in the Bronx to beat his heroin habit. That
meant that there was no more Gary. She never saw Gary again.
Ms. Morgan found a new apartment in the in the Bronx where Lee moved
in to when he came out of drug rehabilitation. It was there in their
apartment in the Bronx that she was able to help Lee Morgan get back on
his feet. Helen was able to convince most of the club owners that she
would personally make sure that Lee would make his engagements. She was
extremely proud that she had, in her words, brought him back from near
death.
“I’ll never forget,” she said, “the DJ for the black program was Ed
Williams and Ed Williams was in my corner. He did the eulogy for Morgan.
And people told me that he mentioned me. He said, “Regardless to what
happened, we can not leave Helen out of this.”
He said, “Because Morgan was dead to us before she came on the scene.
And she brought him back to us 5, 6, 7, 8 years, you know. She brought
him back alive to us.”
Mrs. Morgan got him to start dressing neatly again and cleaning
himself up. Whenever they would go out or go on the road, she went with
him. Lee liked to wear a shirt and a tie and keep his shoes shined, So
she made sure all of that was done before he went out for a gig. Helen
would iron his shirts for him because she said that he didn’t like what
they did to them at the laundry. They were seen together a great deal
and were often out at other jazz and social events. It was backstage
after one of those affairs that she first met the legendary trumpeter
Miles Davis, who was an old friend of Lee’s. Helen said he was a
“nasty.”
“When I met him,” she recalled, “he said, ‘Hello.’” I said, ‘Hello.’
And he said, “and who are you supposed to be?’ I said, ‘I’m suppose to
be…I am ..I am not supposed to be…I am Helen Morgan!”
“Oh you Lee Morgan’s woman, huh?”
And I said, “yes!”
And he said, “I guess you know who I am?’ I said, I don’t have to
know who you are! And he laughed, you know. He say, “I see you got a
quick mouth.’ And the words he said was like this, “I don’t mess around
with bitches with big mouths.’ That was one of his favorite words. And I
said, well I don’t consider myself that. But, you know, we ain’t got
nothing to say to each other anyway because I don’t play the trumpet, so
I sure can’t talk about no music with you, you know.”
Lee Morgan’s first band, according to Helen, after he got out of
rehab, was a very young and highly impressive quintet, one that was
exciting live and at the forefront, on the cutting edge of the post-bop,
funky soul jazz scene of the late 1960s and the early 1970s. It was
known as an adventurous group that went out sometimes and took a few
avant garde excursions, but always stayed in that soulful, funky,
swinging pocket. His working band consisted of Lee on trumpet, Harold
Mabern on piano, Jyme Merritt on bass, and Billy Higgins, drums. The
substitutes, whenever there were adjustments to be made, were Cedar
Walton, piano and Herbie Lewis on bass.
There was also a young reedman named Frank Mitchell, who Mrs. Morgan
said they found in the Hudson River. She was sure that somebody killed
him but she didn’t say why she thought that way. Frank wrote the tune
“Expoobient” from the hit album of the same name. Helen managed Lee’s
band business and kept them touring on a regular basis to places like
California for a month, with two weeks in Los Angeles at Redondo Beach
and two weeks in San Francisco.
The band was also booked in Chicago for two weeks and Detroit for two
weeks, on their way back to the East Coast where she had work arranged
at most of the major clubs in New York and other cities. She also set up
an engagement on the Caribbean island of Antigua that went very well.
From roughly 1965 to 1970, Helen was Lee’s true and trusted confidant,
manager, and spokesperson. If anyone called their apartment and asked
him about work, he handed the phone to her. She did the negotiating with
the employers, the arranging of airline flights and transportation
needs and Mrs. Morgan was the one who made sure they had hotel rooms.
Meanwhile, Lee concentrated on practicing with his band and
recording. He let her handle the business end. No doubt he loved and
respected her, so much so, he wrote a composition called “Helen’s
Ritual,” which was inspired by Lee watching her take hours getting ready
to go out and rubbing generous portions of lotion on her legs and the
rest of her body in the process. She was not only the band’s manager,
she was their cook, coach, cheerleader and probably their best critic.
Her favorite phrase when the band was really playing well was “Go
head Morgan! Go head Morgan!” She said Lee would laugh and the people,
including the band members would laugh at her, too. Helen didn’t care.
She kept on saying “Go head Morgan! Go head Morgan!” because it made the
band members feel good to know someone was listening and, most
importantly because it made her feel good. There was one summer
engagement in Rhode Island at the ritzy Newport Jazz festival when the
music didn’t feel so fine.
“We was at Newport. And they were drinking. All this drinking. I
said, you’all ain’t doing nothing out there. All you sound like little
children up there. And I…..And they used to say if I didn’t say nothing
they knew they wasn’t doing nothing. And I was just sitting right there
looking at them. I said, all you’all sound like little children up
there. And then Miles told them and Morgan said, “Yeah, that’s what my
wife just told me–that I sound like a little child and that we sound
like little children.” Miles said, “Well, she told you right!’”
The good years for the Morgans were when Lee was working and on
methadone. Helen was meeting and greeting people who were mostly
high-profile, show business personalities who she and Lee would
sometimes entertained at their Bronx apartment. They both enjoyed a good
party. It was at one of their early morning after-the-set parties that
she met an interesting guest. She met the baritone saxophonist Gerry
Mulligan, a tall, crew-cut, white boy sitting on a pillow in her living
room amid a sea of black faces.
Given the time and the place, the late 1960s, during the latter
stages of the non-violent civil rights movement and the start of the
violent end of the movement, Mulligan was more than a bold white boy. He
was out of his mind and out of his place. Especially to Helen Morgan, a
fast-talking, former farm girl from North Carolina who was definitely
at that time, when she and Lee were doing well, living large and in a
very fast lane.
“I’ll never forget I had a party and Gerry Mulligan came to my house.
I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t know nothing about no Gerry
Mulligan, you know. And he was sitting out there….And I seen this white
boy sitting out there in the corner. And you know, we have a habit, you
know how we say, ‘Nigger!’ You know how we call each other Nigger, you
know. (Laughs) In a minute, you know. And think nothing about it “cause
it was love with us! So I didn’t even know when he came in there. But
somebody said something and I said, Nigger is you crazy? And I turned
around and looked in this white guy’s face. And I cut me off. And I
said, “Well, I done said it now. I said, Well, who are you? And somebody
said, “That’s Gerry Mulligan.’ And I said, So! (Laughs). And then
Morgan came over there and said,”
This is my wife Helen.’ I was not one of nicest persons either. I
will not sit here and tell you that I was so nice because I was not. I
was one who will cut you. I was sharp. I had to be. I had to be sharp.
And Gerry Mulligan sat over there and I said well make yourself at home,
you know. And he sat over there because in my front room I didn’t have
no chairs. You sat on pillows and things like that. And he sat and had
food. I always had plenty food. You served yourself because I partied
too. I was no waiting on nobody. I cooked the food, you know. But it
wasn’t no waiting on nobody.” “One time, a trick I pulled,” she
continued. “I got some snuff (Laughs) and it was some kind of snuff. And
I had this party. (Laughs) and I told them that it was Nigerian coke.
They lied and said that they were high.
And it would burn them. I said, hold your head back. Aw, they would
jump on it. And it was brown–Nigerian coke. Nigerian coke. And I
laughed. Me and my friend did this. And I’d catch them. And they’d never
been– because some people had never been in my house before and they
had been coming… I remember seeing two of the people. I didn’t even
remember them. They remembered me and how much of a good time they had
at my house and had I gotten anymore of that coke? And I said, what
coke? coke? They said, “that Nigerian coke, you had.’ I said, Oh no.
(Laughs). I say, now you see how people’s minds. They weren’t high. You
know. We had wine. They was high off the wine and smoking reefer.
And we had some coke before, but I wasn’t giving them all my coke and
they didn’t have any.” Helen laughed when she talked about the happy
times when Morgan was making a little money. He made money from the hit
LP Sidewinder, but she insisted that he wasted it all on drugs. Mrs.
Morgan contended that during that period (roughly 1965 to 1970), Lee was
shooting “tremendous” amounts of cocaine. He had taken the usual path
of some former heroin addicts, who when placed on methadone, shot
cocaine instead because they figured it wouldn’t hurt since the white
powder was not heroin.
Most of the time it turned out to be like jumping from a boiling pot
to a frying pan or exchanging one bad habit for another. In the case of
Lee Morgan, it turned out to be, according to her, exactly that and
much, much more. He started to run the streets a great deal and
sometimes he wouldn’t come back to their Bronx apartment for days. She
began to wonder if their wonderful, fun-filled fast times were about to
end. It was around that time that Helen began to ask herself : “Did I
love him (Lee)? Or did I think he was my possession? And I think part of
that might have been my fault because I might have stopped being..I
might have started being too possessive or too much like a mother to
him.
I was much older than Morgan because he was in his thirties when he
died and I was in my forties or late forties. I thought about it because
it was like to me, I thought about it. Like I made him. You know. I
brought you back. You belong to me. And you are not supposed to go out
there and do this. He started seeing this girl and as I understand it
now. See I was on him about using so much cocaine. She was using cocaine
with him. She was shooting cocaine with him. And you know how long that
is. That’s pop, pop, pop! with that because it ain’t going to last you
but a hot minute snorting it and less than that when you shoot it.
So I knew that because he’d be there with me when he’d get it. And I
said, You using, you shooting, you using too much cocaine, you know. You
using too much. You not eating, you know. And your nerves, you using.
And I guess I was beginning to sound like a mother. And this girl, she
had been after him for a long time. But when he was out there strung out
she wasn’t. But once he got himself straight she wanted him. And then
they were hanging out, you know. He had somebody (his age) to play with.
I saw her hanging around and I’d go to the bathroom and they would be
there, you know. And I said, You better be careful, girl, you know. And
I told her, You better be careful, you know.” Shortly afterwards, Helen
stopped going to the clubs to see Morgan perform. She was still
handling his business and they were still living together.
They were still going out together in public and when he was invited
to be on several TV specials she accompanied him, not his new
girlfriend. This situation perplexed Mrs. Morgan so much that she tried
to commit suicide by swallowing poison. Lee was home the evening it
happened. He called a cab and took her to the hospital to get her
stomach pumped. Once she completely recovered from that ordeal, she sat
down to have a heart-to-heart talk with Lee about their shaky future.
“The thing we need to do is separate,” she told him. “You go ahead and
be with her and I’ll still do your business.
But what you are doing is not right. I’m not one of those woman that
can talk about I’m the main woman and you got somebody else out there.
I’m not built that way. That’s not me. I’m no main woman if you leaving
me here every night by myself and you out there with somebody else!”
Mrs. Morgan said she asked Lee to leave and he wouldn’t. He was not
secure enough to go and live with his new girlfriend, Helen contended,
because he had sense enough to know that what he was doing with her
would do nothing but bring him down. She was convinced that she brought
him his much sought after stability. She told him that if he wouldn’t go
then she would and that she was going to Chicago to visit some old
friends.
Helen also informed Lee that she didn’t know when she was coming back
and that maybe when she came back he would “have his act together.” “I
even sat down and talked to the girl at the club,” she explained. “I
said, I don’t want you to think that..I don’t know what he is telling
you. But you sitting here and I’m telling him to go with you. I’m not
keeping him. Begging him to stay. I’m telling him that it’s best for
everybody around because I feel like something bad is going to happen
out of this. And that Sunday he begged me not to go. He said, “Helen,
don’t go. Don’t go to Chicago. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you
to leave me.
I said, we can’t live like this. It’s not me. And I didn’t go to
Chicago. And I told him, you know, Morgan, I’m making the biggest
mistake of my life.” That turned out to be a profound and a prophetic
statement because it would lead to her making an uncharacteristically
dumb move for a lady who had been doing the right things up until that
point. She continued to stay at home and Lee even came home a night or
two after their discussion. But that didn’t last long. Before the
weekend, he was back in the streets, hanging out with his friend and
shooting cocaine until the wee hours of the morning. He was working at
Slug’s, a downtown club she had booked him in all week that second week
in February 1972.
She had promised the club owner, like she had done many times in the
past, that he would be there and Lee was there, with his quintet.
sounding good and making the news as the act to catch, oblivious to what
was about transpire, unaware that this much-heralded, routine gig at
Slug’s would be his last. “On that Saturday, I don’t know what possessed
me. I said, I’m going to Slug’s.
He was working down there that whole week. I hadn’t been down there
that whole week. And I had a gun. He was the one who bought me the gun
because he said he don’t be home and he wanted me to protect myself. And
I put the gun in my bag. And a fellow was staying with me named Ed, Ed
was gay. And Ed knew all the musicians and everything you know. And I
said, Ed come on and go with me and Ed said no. He said, “Don’t go,
Don’t go down there.’ I said, no I’m going down there. He said, “I just
don’t want you to go!’ I said, I’m going to stop in Slug’s and say hello
and then I’m going over to the Vanguard and hear Freddie.
I got a cab and went down there and went in Slug’s. And Morgan came
around there where I was and we was talking and the girl walked up and
she said, ” I thought you wasn’t supposed to be with her anymore.’ And
he said, “I’m not with this bitch, I’m just telling her to leave me
alone.’ And about that time I hit him. And when I hit him I didn’t have
on my coat or nothing but I had my bag. He threw me out the club.
Wintertime. “And the gun fell out the bag,” she continued. “And I looked
at it. I got up. I went to the door.
I guess he had told the bouncer that I couldn’t come back in. The bouncer said to me, “Miss Morgan I hate to tell you this but Lee don’t want me to let you in.’ And I said, Oh, I’m coming in! I guess the bouncer saw the gun because I had the gun in my hand. He said, “Yes you are.’ And I saw Morgan rushing over there to me and all I saw in his eyes was rage.” It was at that point that Mrs. Morgan shot Lee and her whole world changed the moment that shot went off. She said she became extremely panicky and threw the gun on the counter on the bar. Pure pandemonium broke out and the bar’s occupants fled.
I guess he had told the bouncer that I couldn’t come back in. The bouncer said to me, “Miss Morgan I hate to tell you this but Lee don’t want me to let you in.’ And I said, Oh, I’m coming in! I guess the bouncer saw the gun because I had the gun in my hand. He said, “Yes you are.’ And I saw Morgan rushing over there to me and all I saw in his eyes was rage.” It was at that point that Mrs. Morgan shot Lee and her whole world changed the moment that shot went off. She said she became extremely panicky and threw the gun on the counter on the bar. Pure pandemonium broke out and the bar’s occupants fled.
The police and an ambulance arrived on the scene. Helen sat there in
the middle of all this in a complete daze, wondering if this was a
dream, or was it a nightmare? “I ran over there and said I was sorry.
And he said to me, he said, “Helen, I know you didn’t mean to do this.
I’m sorry too.’” “I can remember the cops throwing me out. I went into
hysterics and I don’t know. It seem to me like everybody must have left.
And I don’t know where the girl went.
I ain’t never seen that girl since. I think she thought she was next.
But she never entered my mind. You know, it’s a funny thing, she didn’t
enter my mind. When that gun went off it snapped me back to reality to
what I had done. I didn’t have a coat. I didn’t have a bag. I didn’t
have nothing. I was just sitting there, you know. Seemed like it hadn’t
registered. I said, I couldn’t have did this. I couldn’t have did this.
This must be a dream and I’ll wake up. I couldn’t be sitting here. And
then I just went to jail and sat there. “And the next morning I had to
go to court. My kids was upset. They don’t know what to think. But the
musicians were there. They were there. Everybody kept saying, “Don’t
worry. Don’t worry. Don’t worry. We behind you. Don’t worry. We’ll get
you a lawyer. Don’t worry.’
I was just going back. Worry about what? And the lawyer told me do
not plead guilty. Plead not guilty. I didn’t understand that, I said,
“Well I killed him. I’m guilty, you know.”
So I did what he said–not guilty. And then I went on back. And when
they had the hearing, my mother came up. Then that was another…She was
in trauma because she couldn’t believe it. This is my daughter!
I said, “well, Helen, you got to get yourself together. It’s done.
You done put yourself in it now. So, you got to get yourself together.
You got to get your mind together. You got to get yourself together
mentally to accept what you have done.”
Helen said she spent several weeks on Riker’s Island in jail before
she realized no one was going to help her except herself. She fired her
lawyer after he paid her only one visit and failed to say anything to
her after their initial meeting. Her supporters had dwindled down to
family members and close friends who stuck with her in and out of
prison.
It wasn’t until she had been out of New York for almost 20 years, in
failing health, back down south in North Carolina near where her life
began, that she decided to grant an interview and talk about the sad,
tragic event that had shaped her fall from being “Lee Morgan’s woman,” a
possessive lady in the fast lane, to the devoted, loving, church-going
mother and grandmother known as Ms. Morgan. Less than a month after she
gave this interview in February 1996, Helen’s song came to its coda, its
final note, when her weak heart gave out and she died at a hospital in
Wilmington, North Carolina, surrounded by her loved ones.
No comments:
Post a Comment